Kerry's Korner

Is it really in our heads???
July 5, 2007, 10:10 PM
Filed under: Uncategorized

The prelude to this discussion are these posts/comments from another blog for a PW not too far away from me – she is actually the PW at my sister’s home church….

Amy’s original post
A response to that post
In response to Amy’s response

OK… now, I know the “throw the bad ones back” comment can sound harsh to some, personally I thought it was funny. Now, like most things that are funny on the surface there are so many layers to that comment… Right now, I’m not getting into them… At bottom I’d just say, no one, not myself, none of the others who commented and not Amy are advocating that we should forget about anyone and just wish them into hell… not the point at all.

What I wanted to address is in comment #2 by CP (I don’t know her, no clue who she is…). She said:
“For goodness sake, let’s all take a more simpler, organic approach to being the wife of a pastor. I get the feeling that, in her attempt to be “not the typical Pastors wife” that Amy, and so many other wives of pastors, have actually in some way built up this PW thing to be bigger than it is…

Wow…. that is a loaded statement… I know 200+ women who would strongly disagree with it. Now, if you know me – you know I’m very normal. If you don’t know me – well, ask any of my brothers 😛 My kids are very normal. So is my husband. We have tempers that we try to control, our kids fight, we love, we get ticked off, sometimes we work too hard, sometimes we are lazy, our kids are thoughtful and caring and then sometimes they are total brats… It is called being human, not one of us is immune.

Back to CP’s statement…

Since it is an extreme statement, I’m going to give an extreme response… what kind of culture of perfection leaves a woman thinking her only way out is murder? What kind of culture of perfection makes a woman think it is better for her husband and 2 young children if she disappears rather than having her husband with her through her struggles? Those are 2 of the news stories recently involving pastor’s wives.
NOTE: I am NOT saying I agree with the actions of these ladies, just that the level of expectation can leave a person not seeing a way out.

How about this… “I am not a good pastor’s wife… _____ should have never married me… I am the reason _____ has not been called to a church yet… I am ruining my husband’s life… …[50 years ago] class taught women how to be the perfect pastor’s wife and that it taught men how to chose the perfect pastor’s wife… …he wishes he had time to teach me how to be the perfect pastor’s wife because it’s too late for ________ to have not chosen me.””

This was told to someone I know this week.

Is that blowing it out of proportion? It is true – the expectations are NOT Biblical. But they ARE REAL just the same.

We have been SOOOOO blessed by the churches we have been in… our family can be normal, our kids don’t have an expectation higher than normal placed on them, I do my thing and nothing more… I am very thankful for that. However, I’ve seen others deal with the other side of things. It is not a “thing” built up bigger than it is…

What do you expect from your pastor? from his family? Is it more/different than what you expect from YOUR family? Why? The Bible is the Bible – we are all to strive to become closer to God and more like Him. Does that exclude anyone? Does it give anyone a different standard?

The standard is the same – there is only one. We each strive daily to finish the race, we will each be looked at by the same criteria and we each want to hear, “well done”.

Things to think of…



a thoughtful post. i often feel like certain expectations are being piled on me, expectations that i can’t possibly meet up with, and further more i’m not at all sure God even cares if i meet up with them because they’re not from Him! sometimes i am the one behind the crazy standards, but perhaps most unfortunately, most often it is other people, a vocal minority who are very concerned with the appearance of what i do, how i dress, what events i attend (or don’t attend)… yeah, some days i’d like to throw the bad ones back. i’m human when it comes right down to it. (although i have developed the supermom eyes-in-the-back-of-my-head)

Comment by Krista

Yeah – those super-mom eyes are cool 🙂 Gotta have them 🙂

Comment by Kerry

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