Kerry's Korner

Ever wonder…
May 27, 2007, 9:04 PM
Filed under: Uncategorized

  • What you are doing?
  • Why you are doing whatever it is you are doing?
  • How you ever got there?
  • What would happen if you just quit doing it?
  • What you are *supposed* to be doing…

I’m not really sure where I’m going with all of this. Just random questions I was thinking about today.

For instance… if God has us where he wants us to fulfill His purpose for us (hey honey – I was listening)… why is it I’m not sure exactly what it is I’m supposed to be doing? We are at a new church – dh is the pastor. He knows what he should be doing and so do the 40 or so people going there 😛 Me… not so sure. I had this same “not sure where I fit in” feeling when we moved up north. It’s different here because I do have my own thing going – I’m not just dh’s wife or mom to these two kids… I have a place where who my husband and kids are doesn’t matter (I hope that doesn’t sound bad – I certainly don’t mean it to… I know it will make sense to anyone who knows how miserable I was during those earlier years). So that is an improvement for sure. I guess as a result of that – oh, maybe it’s just a result of me being me – I’m not sure where I fit in at church.

I tend to run from anything that looks like “what the PW should do”. I don’t fit well in that mold – well, any mold, really. I definitely don’t belong doing many of the more traditional PW roles… piano – nope; children’s programs – you have to understand, I do well to deal with my children, children’s programs are not “me”; hospitality – well, you can come visit me whenever you want, but I probably won’t have cool little finger foods and great, homemade desserts and I can almost garauntee that there will be dishes in the sink, laundry that has been waiting to be folded for a couple weeks and assorted paper and shoes in strange places…; best dressed and always looking my best – no, again… I’m more Eddie Bauer and LL Bean. When dh was asst. pastor years ago the SPW tried to get me to dress “better” (by her definition). Now, she was 85 then. I was 22. The ideas didn’t mesh so well 🙂 I’m sure she still thinks I should change my wardrobe for church… I love her – she’s great, but I am DEFINITELY not her… she MADE that “PW mold” – or at the very least, kept it alive for the next generation…

Oh well… the VERY good thing in all of that… dh doesn’t care. If I started doing those things he would go on a search & rescue mission to find the person he married 😀 Eventually I’ll figure it out. When I do he’ll support it. Until I do – he won’t push it. So… waiting on God to push me into whatever it is… (I’ve heard that is a dangerous thing to say, but would it not be more dangerous to try to avoid whatever it is God wants you to do??? As if *I’m* going to change *God’s* plan because I say or don’t say something…)

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